Its the magic number that we are now at. Four little years of Charlotte Samantha. I say little with the real intention of little, this small space of mine has been small for far too long. She hasn’t had the attention she needs.
And you bloody know what.
I think I’ve got it.
Right now I’m sitting with 3 posts scheduled and ready to go. bloody 3. Do you know how good that feels.
For me this spot on the internet has been an escape.
I started my blog 4 years ago when honestly I didn’t know what the hell I wanted. I was at Uni, studying a course I wasn’t sure I really wanted to do. Not being able to admit my frustration for failing the entry exams for Primary education. Thats all I ever wanted at this point in my life. I had no friends. A few issues floating round my head which was stopping me doing the things I really wanted to do.
It takes a lot to admit that doesn’t it.
I jumped from job to job. Comparing myself to everyone else I knew. There where people from the year below me in school who where somehow doing better than I was. It wasn’t the life I had planned in my head. It wasn’t the this was meant to go. But it was.
And you know what I am so bloody glad it did go this way.
I have had an amazing life so far, and I am so ready to see what the rest of the years I have ahead of me.
CharlotteSamantha turning 4 doesn’t just mark 4 years of blogging for me. It holds 4 years of pushing myself out of my comfort zone. That stands for publishing my first post, my close family finding out that I wrote this blog. Explaining to the older generation exactly what it meant. And having my dad read every single post that went up in that first year. I still hold by the fact that I think my dad made up all of my views in that first year. He read all the beauty reviews, I swear he was probably on par with me when it came to applying make-up from that year.
He soon got bored and the views where still there. They’ve never been great but somebody was reading it and that was enough to keep me going. For the first year and half I was fully committed. I even started telling people that I wrote my blog, I put it in my CV and talked about in job interviews.
But, it got to the point when it just wasn’t enough. I then started to compare myself to other bloggers, who where miles above me and had been blogging half the time I had been. I sat in my room fed up, I was putting so much effort into my blog but yet the stats where just not there. I didn’t have a huge amount of money to fund the new things that it seemed everyone wanted to see.
And that brings us to last year. I started the year off telling myself that 2017 would be my year. I would finally be accepted in the blogging community and I would put my all into it. It soon caught up with me. And 3 posts in I wasn’t seeing the numbers I wanted. I just didn’t understand it. I pretty much took the whole of last year out of blogging. I put a few posts up here and there when I felt like I had a few ideas going through my head but soon enough I was in the same slump.
I wasn’t good enough.
It has taken me till now to realise that there is no good enough. You get out of it what you put in.
This is a hobby, Ive stopped thinking of it as a career, because it was never going to get to that. For me this is a hobby. Something I love doing and its going to stop that way.
I have a plan for January that I honestly can’t wait to complete. I have had some great ideas for some post, some may just be fillers but I honestly can’t wait to see what January brings me because I am ready to accept CharlotteSamantha for what it is.
My four year old hobby, that gives as much as I give it.
Happy Birthday my little space, lets make this fu*king epic.